Gangs of Chicago beware. The military's coming with grenades.

116 days into the new year and Chicago has been the grounds for 113 killings. Though this stat might be alarming to some, the fact is that even if this rate stayed on course throughout the entirety of this year, there would probably be less murders than in 2009. Not that I want to start this Monday out on a down note, but it struck a cord in me given the fact that some state representatives have stepped up and asked the Governor and Mayor Daley to allow the National Guard to patrol the streets of Chicago, in an attempt to quell the violence.

Now, maybe it's just me but this seems like a supremely bad idea. I know they're not talking about rolling tanks and heavy artillery down the streets in Garfield Park, but the thought of Military personnel with automatic weapons strategically taking out gang members is a bit much for me. I'm just not of the opinion that the military is the answer in this matter. In fact, I believe that it will only agitate a problem that's persisted long before I was around, and that will continue to be a problem when I'm gone. Seriously, isn't this the type of idea that starts a real inner city war?

Instead of reading the headline, "1 dead, 2 wounded after gang violence erupts in Chicago west side neighborhood", We'll be inundated with front page headlines that read, "Battle of Englewood, Day 3: Military takes out known drug dealer and 35 others with rocket propelled grenade". Of course that's a bit sensationalized, but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that provoking the military could have similar repercussions.

What happens when those that are targeted by the city decide to target the National Guard? You can't say it wouldn't happen, and when it did, it could spark another kind of war that Chicago doesn't need to be fighting. I mean, it's not like the National Guard is going to take kindly to being shot at. I can only imagine that their training would kick in and all hell would break lose (which would be warranted in my opinion). We're talking about trained professional military men and women. No nonsense training. You shoot at me, you die. That's the reality. How about when they roll a grenade in a crack house before lighting it up from the outside with automatic machine gun rounds? That's some John Rambo-type stuff right there.

The last thing Chicago needs is for gangs to have a cause. No longer will it be about 'slingin' rocks and gettin' rich'. Rather the end goal will be for them to rid 'their' streets of National Guardsmen. I suspect that the number of killings would jump dramatically. And it won't just be gang members. The term collateral damage keeps ringing in my head.

The reality of the situation is that the number of murders have decreased dramatically since the early 90's. Back then, a person could lobby for some sort of military action and people would've listened. Today, I don't see Daley or Quinn allowing the National Guard in to the city. I can understand that people want something done about the violence in the city and maybe this was a good way to bring some heavy attention to the problem, but starting an urban war isn't the best route to take.

The Cubbies need Lou Brown, Jobu, and Charlie Sheen

I remember back in the day when Lou Brown, once a manager for the Toledo Mud Hens, took over the Cleveland Indians, a rag tag team of talent and pushed to win the American league pennant. Of course that was in a movie, but Lou Pinnella should take some notes from the 80's gem. Why? Because his team is shitting the bed just 13 games into the season and the similarities between his team and the '89 Indians led by Lou Brown are obvious. I know it's too early to panic but the bullpen's a train wreck, our lead off man can't hit or get on base, our clean up hitter rarely touches the ball, and our ace can't get anyone out. Not to mention that Sweet Lou looks like he's simply mailing it in for the last year of his contract and already thinking about Florida and endless days of playing golf.

Zambrano came into this season a "changed" man. He dropped some weight, switched up his diet, and altered his temperament on the mound. Great, it still doesn't change the fact that his throws just as many strikes as Rick Vaughn prior to figuring out he needed glasses. How many years is he going to do this? He's supposed to be the ace. He's certainly paid like one, yet he continues to underachieve. At least Rick figured it out after a brief stint in the California Penal League. Hell, the guy went from setting a Major League record for walks in a game to being a Cy-Young contender, and he was a rookie.

Then there's Ryan Theriot. He takes over the lead off duties and all of a sudden he can't get on base. He use to slap the ball around the field, now he acts like he wants to drive the ball in the air. He's like Willie Mays Hayes minus the ability to steal a bag. I can't help but think that Lou Brown would have him bustin' out 50 push ups at a time for every ball hit in the air. It worked for Willie, so who am I to second guess. The Cubs haven't had a solid lead off man since the short time we were blessed with Kenny Lofton. What happened while he was here? Think about it. Hendry's failure to snag an established lead off hitter is going to chase him forever.

Now it's hard for me to bag on Aramis Ramirez. The dude's eventually gonna hit, but can someone sacrifice a live chicken already, or get him a Jobu doll to stick in his locker. He's barely touching the ball in the early going and his run producing is a must if the Cubs are gonna contend. Pedro Cerrano always said that bats are afraid of curve balls, but in the case of Rami this season, his bat's afraid of fastballs, too.

The bullpen. Holy baby Jesus, the bullpen is atrocious. I knew it was gonna be a problem this year but you've got to be kidding me. 2 rookies? Seriously, with the payroll the Cubs fork out, you're gonna throw two rookies in the pen? And then there's Jeff Samardjiza. Honestly, this guy doesn't need to be in the majors. His curve ball doesn't curve. His change up is something out of little league. His fastball, though fast, is constantly over the plate and big league hitters tee off this tool. I can only wish that the crafty vetter Eddie Harris was around to teach Jeff wear put the Crisco, Bardol or Vagisil. God, could another guy use an extra 2-3 inch drop on his curve ball? Let's put it this way, when he's announced as the next pitcher out of the pen, I feel like committing a crime against an old person. He's terrible. The only bright spot in the pen is Sean Marshall and Marmol. Both have been pretty good, but they can't pitch everyday. Fact is, the Cubs can't compete with the bullpen they have in place. I blame Hendry, but what could I expect from a guy that sunk the Cubs in payroll for the next 8 years.

There are no excuses for the Cubs. Sweet Lou has to win with this club. Lou Brown once told his team that he wasn't much for giving inspirational addresses, but then pointed out that every newspaper in the country had picked them to finish last. That the local press thought it'd be a good idea if they saved everyone the time and trouble and went out and shot themselves. But rather than folding up shop the team decided to hang around for a while and see if they could give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat! And they did.

I wonder what Sweet Lou's said to his squad after 13 less than stellar games?

How to catch a predator: Catholic Priest edition

So Pope Benedict XVI finally said something about the latest clerical abuse scandal saying the he thinks the "church" is under attack. Yep, the church is under attack, got it. Not the little kids that keep getting molested by Catholic priests. Nope, it's the "church" that's being wrongly attacked. Is this guy serious? It's really getting old listening to everyone defend these guys. I could care less that the Catholic church is catching a bad rap for all the child fondling priests. To me it's the churches fault it's gone on this long and its got what's coming its way. They continue to turn a blind eye to a problem that could be solved by a simple bullet to the head to most of these guys. I have no sympathy for pedophiles, nor do I think they deserve a second chance. That's just me. Now the Pope says, "we Christians" should repent for sins and recognize mistakes. That's all good but I've got a different outlook on what you do with pedophiles. I say, cut off their balls; wearing the cloak and hiding behind the doors of the Catholic institution shouldn't be tolerated any longer. Am I being harsh, Catholics might say so, but they've been ducking this problem for far too many years. Does the Pope actually believe these destroyers of child purity deserve anything other than to burn in hell? Is it a fixable problem, sure, but it takes a little more effort than what the Vatican is willing to provide. It's for that reason that the Catholic church and its followers will continue to face ridicule.

A few laws I think that we could put in place to curb the Catholic Priests appetite for children:
1. Priests aren't allowed to watch the Disney Channel.
2. Priests aren't allowed to hold Harry Potter costume parties for any reason.
3. Priests aren't allowed within 500 feet of Chuck 'E Cheeses.
4. Priests aren't allowed to have juice boxes in their personal fridges at the church.
5. Priests aren't allowed to drive mini vans, or, for whatever reason, ice cream trucks.
6. Alter boy self defense classes must be offered at every Catholic church.

That'd be a good start. Of course not all priests are part of the cult of heavy petting, and they should be commended. It's just tough not to generalize these days with the lack of institutional control being shown by the ol' Pope and his crew. I'm sure there's some second guessing going on at each church, at least a little.