Sidewalks: A daily battle

Every single time I walk around the city of Chicago, I always seem to find myself in the same situation. Some dude is walking straight towards me, like he's on a mission from God. He shows no sign of making a move to walk around me, and I don't exactly feel compelled to deter from my line, either. Before we go on, it should be noted that historically I've been a "shoulder turner". Mainly to balance out the number of "anti-turners" in the city. On this day, however, I wasn't budging. Like the Titanic heading towards an ice berg, I'm full steam ahead.

So the dilemma was born.

He might've been thinking it, I sure as hell was: "This dude's not gonna go around. He's gonna keep, yep, he's just walkin' right at me. Doesn't he see the rest of the sidewalk? Go around dude. Come on. Just...we're gonna hit!"

Of course, our shoulders crash and we each mechanically offer an apology. But here's the thing, I'm not sorry. There was plenty of room for Johnny shoulder banger to navigate and he easily could've walked around me. I, on the other hand, had zero room to move because there was someone walking next to me. What, am I suppose to hit the breaks, stand there, and let this wanna-be Olympic speed walker pass? Come onnnnn. Dude was leakin' on a fire hydrant, he was bangin' his chest, trying to establish himself as the sidewalk champion. Not this day, no. I wasn't having it. My only regret is how I handled the aftermath. Why offer an empty apology? Soooo.....

Next time you find yourself on a collision course with a similar shoulder, I say stand your ground, don't turn, don't give way to enemy shoulders. Walk straight. And when he or she offers an apology, give a creepy eye, nod your head a bit, and say "I win". Maybe even show 'em your bicep.

Void advice if situation involves one of the following:
1. Gang members
2. A crazy bum (it's not worth it and you'll smell like shit afterwards)
3. Old ladies - unless you're feelin' real salty